Confucius say baseball without Bryce Harper is not baseball at all.

Tim Tebow had recently asked Bryce Harper for his autograph.

It is said the old Yankee Stadium was the House that Ruth Built. Well it is known that the new Yankee stadium is the House that Harper will destroy.

Some people called the new Cowboy Stadium amazing, Bryce Harper called it a guest bathroom.

When Bryce Harper wants orange juice he doesn't go to the grocery store and buy extra pulp. He runs to Florida on his hands, buys an orange grove, beats the living snot out of the oranges and mixes it with metal shavings for no orange juice has the proper amount of pulp for Bryce Harper.

Bryce Harper doesn't split sunflower seeds, his venomous saliva destroys their shells on contact.

In middle school Bryce Harper once struck out looking just to see how it felt. Well, Bryce Harper did not enjoy his experience. Bryce Harper has not struck out looking since.

Some people believe that when a catcher throws a runner out from his knees, that it is a good play. Bryce Harper believes throwing a runner out while lying on his back blind folded with a dislocated arm that is broken in three places is a good play.