Since MLB is calling itself the nation’s first space program; i.e.  launching objects into orbit, then Bryce Harper must be the head astronaut.

Bryce Harper is the reason caffeine makes you hyper.

You can't compare apples to oranges just like you can't compare professional baseball players to Bryce Harper. It just isn't fair.

MLB is instituting a safer barrier system similar to that of NASCAR. The purpose is to soften the impact fences feel from collisions with Bryce Harper. 

Bryce Harper puts his pants on just like everyone else; two legs at a time.

If Charlie Sheen considers himself to be winning; he obviously never heard of Bryce Harper.

Bryce Harper’s invitation to the Royal Wedding was not lost in the mail; he just doesn’t want to go.

Manny Ramirez once tested positive for Bryce Harper.

In life, you win some and you lose some, unless you’re Bryce Harper, then you just win like Charlie Sheen.

Bryce Harper's a 34th degree Freemason.
-By C. Eric Kennedy